theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
