you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
