My first STD was from a foam party
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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