he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
