I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
where am i from again
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
