i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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