I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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