Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
