Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
