so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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