I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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