don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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