You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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