we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
