There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
