just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
