he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
