i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
