Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Help. Why am I so naked?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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