Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
