is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
