I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
You smell like stripper and shame
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
