Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
