so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
