Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
