sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
