Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
