it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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