Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
