ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
