last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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