just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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