just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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