there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
