the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
