would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
