he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize