I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
