Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
