I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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