Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
