You can't special order awesome
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
