So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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