He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
