So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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