suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
