my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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