Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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