im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
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