who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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